I started my new jobs this last Monday on the 26th of July, and it's.... well, it's definitely a different schedule. Monday through Friday for four hours a day I am outside spinning a sign to advertise the company my old Pastor Abel Aguilar is a manager for. It's about a 45 minute drive there from where I'm at. Then I also went back to where I used to work (Family Christian Store) for about 10 hours a week. It's great in the way that it's completely different from what I was doing at the Credit Union, but I still have such a deep longing. I thought the job change would get rid of that!
There was, however, a glorious 3-day period of complete bliss I got to experience. I quit my job last Wednesday and did not begin my new jobs until this last Monday, so I had an incredible Thursday, Friday, and Saturday filled with getting things done I otherwise did not have the time or energy to do, and I got to spend a lot of time in The Word! Chris was in his office getting all of his work done, and I got to have an incredible 3 days of being (my dream job) a house wife. It was unbelievable. Usually I've been the one with coffee in hand, kissing him before I leave in the morning to go to work as he was still attempting to wake up from his sleep. But ohhh no, NOT THOSE GLORIOUS THREE DAYS!
I would absolutely LOVE beyond words if there was any way I could be more of a house wife/woman constantly in The Word rather than a tired, beat-down lady. I feel like I really try to work AND be a strong woman of God, but I'll be completely honest with you, I'm just so tired! Even now, although it's only 4 hours that I do it, standing in 102 degree weather for that four hours can be exhausting, and when I get home I'm just too darn tired to do anything, as much as I want to do it. Granted I was out of my thyroid medication for quite a while, which didn't help the situation. I just felt so full and so happy when I got to get so much work done AND spend a good two or three hours straight going through a book of the Bible and getting all my notes and questions written down. Gosh it just felt so good. But there are bills to pay (that can hardly be paid as it is). Someday though, my longing is to take care of my husband and my home, be strong in the Word of God, and be a constant resource for ONE, no matter what it needed. Be it snacks, an extra brain for ideas, creative crafts that give the congregation something to reflect on from the Sunday message - POST-Sunday. THAT would be an absolute dream.
Today I said to Chris, "I have a longing for something that just seems unattainable."
And he said, "I don't think it's unattainable, it just may not be attainable in the time frame that we want it to be in."
So... something to look forward to down the line? We'll see. Lord give me patience and strength, Your will. Not mine.
-Ash
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10b). “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:24-25). “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).
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